We all know we should talk about what matters most while there's still time. But when it comes to starting those conversations about ageing, illness, or end-of-life wishes, most of us freeze. The words feel too heavy, too final, too frightening.

Here's the truth: you don't need perfect words. You just need an invitation, a willingness to listen, and the courage to hold silence.

Dr. Kathryn Mannix, who spent 30 years in palliative care, shares three simple shifts that can make these tender conversations feel more human and less overwhelming.

1. The Invitation

Make it an invitation, not an instruction. Instead of "We need to talk about your future care," try this: "I've got something on my mind and I think you could help me with it."

This shifts the dynamic entirely. Rather than feeling managed or parented, they become the advisor. As Dr. Mannix explains, you're entering back into a relationship where they have agency and wisdom to offer.

2. Listening Over Talking

Start with curiosity: "I wonder how much you've already thought about this?" Then step back. Let them decide what to share and how.

Give them "a good listening to," not "a good talking to," as Dr. Mannix puts it. Your job is to understand their wishes, not convince them of yours.

3. The Gift of Silence

Don't rush to fill the pause. Silence isn't awkward - it's them processing, remembering, and connecting dots you can't see.

"Call it a thoughtful silence," says Dr. Mannix. "That person is so busy in that place - thinking, comparing, making their mind up, changing their mind." Try counting to 15 before you speak. These are processing moments, not awkward pauses.

The Kitchen Table, Not the Hospital Corridor

These aren't medical conversations - they're people conversations. They belong around kitchen tables with tea and cake, not in crisis moments when emotions run high and time feels short.

Start early. Start gently. And remember: Dr. Mannix has never met anyone who regretted having these conversations, but she's heard from countless people who wished they'd started sooner.

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Ready to begin? Listen to Dr. Kathryn Mannix's full conversation on the Agehood podcast for more wisdom on navigating life's tender moments. Because the people we love deserve our courage in these conversations - and so do we. Listen wherever you get your favourite podcasts.