Have you ever felt like you're living two lives at once? Juggling your job, your own family, and suddenly finding yourself responsible for your ageing parents too? 

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. You might be experiencing something called "carenting."

What is Carenting?

Carenting happens when working adults become primary caregivers for their elderly parents while still managing their careers and families. It's like being sandwiched between generations - caring for your children while also caring for your parents. One day you're dropping kids at school, the next you're driving your mum to doctor appointments or helping your dad manage his medications.

This isn't just about occasional help. Carents often spend 20+ hours each week coordinating care, managing finances, and making sure their parents can stay in their own homes safely. It's exhausting, overwhelming, and incredibly common.

You're Not Alone

Australi's population is ageing fast. We'll see a five-fold increase in the number of people reaching 85 years by 2031.  This demographic shift means carenting affects millions of families. Most people enter this phase without warning or support, feeling unprepared for the emotional and practical challenges ahead.

The Hidden Cost of Caring

The impact of carenting extends far beyond time management. Research shows that taking on increasing care responsibilities creates a cascade of challenges that can overwhelm even the most capable adults.

Work and Financial Pressures are often the first casualties. Many carents find themselves reducing work hours, turning down promotions, or leaving jobs entirely to accommodate care duties. This creates immediate financial strain just when expenses are increasing, from medical costs to travel expenses for frequent visits. The career impact can be devastating, particularly for women who make up the majority of family caregivers.

Relationship Pressures intensify as the demands of carenting strain marriages and partnerships. Spouses may feel neglected, children confused by divided attention, and family dynamics shift as one person becomes the primary coordinator. Arguments about fair distribution of care responsibilities between siblings are common, sometimes fracturing relationships permanently.

Family Dynamics become complicated when adult children must make decisions for previously independent parents. Role reversals create confusion and resentment. In-laws add another layer of complexity, as partners navigate caring for parents who may not have had close relationships previously.

Mental Health and Wellbeing suffer significantly. Up to 50% of caregivers who care for loved ones through the last stages of life experience significant psychological distress, with mental health problems occurring at rates substantially higher than the general population. The constant worry, sleep disruption, and emotional burden of watching parents decline can take a serious toll.

Practical Tips for Carents

1. Set boundaries: You can't do everything. Prioritise what matters most

2. Share the load: Talk to siblings and other family members about dividing responsibilities fairly

3. Use technology: Apps can help manage medications, appointments, and communication

4. Take breaks: Respite care isn't selfish - it's essential

5. Stay organised: Keep important documents and contacts in one place

6. Get help and support: Don't wait until you're in crisis

Getting Support

Carenting can feel isolating, but help is available. Violet specialises in supporting families navigating these challenges. Whether you need practical advice, emotional support, or help coordinating care, reaching out could be the first step toward finding balance.

Remember: asking for help isn't giving up - it's being smart about caring for everyone, including yourself.

Contact Violet today for personalised support and guidance. Whatever your situation, we are here to help.
violet.org.au